I do not know whether I am upset, or have I simply become depressed? My heart beats somewhat strangely in my breast. Sometimes everything bores me: people, photographs, picture frames,memories. I get depressed whenever I wish that things were the way they used to be or that we could turn back time. If only some things could have stayed the same forever and others had never happened. Melancholy is silent, even though it has so much to say.
The tears that cloud my eyes instead of rolling down my face tell me I am depressed. On such days, I don’t want to think of anything from my past, because it makes me see the world darker than ever. I laugh and I am alive, but I know that all those smiles are fake. I pretend to be happy to avoid upsetting those around me, while deep inside me there is a whirlwind of bewilderment and confusion and of dreams that seem so distant.
I say I’m fine, but do not believe me, because I miss my lost dreams, my genuine smiles and much more. I miss the days when I was really happy. There are times when I feel so removed from my past that I might just as well not have lived it.
I miss the sunlight caressing my face through the window of my room and not behind barbed wire.
I miss a house made of bricks and not of metal and fabric.
I miss a home that smells of my mother’s food.
I miss those carefree smiles and eyes that are not full of tears.
I miss my lost freedom.
I miss the sky of my dreams.
I miss my tranquility.
I miss my happy heart.
I miss my memories.
Again, however, the sky of my dreams is cloudy and I have to paintfake smiles on lips that do not want to laugh.
Now, I want to ask a difficult question to my friends that feel the same and who are hoping to alleviate their feeling of melancholy through this newspaper.
What do you miss most?
19 year-old Nazilla: I miss my personality, I want to be carefree, the way I used to be. I miss my old home and my girlfriends.
26 year-old Mahdiah: I miss all the things I had but never appreciated.
17 year-old Mantina: I miss my real self.
16 year-old Samira: I miss my friends and our house.
54 year-old Nashima: I miss my quiet life.
29 year-old Nazila: I miss my joy and calm.
20 year-old Farima: I miss my quiet life.
20 year-old Sokoufe: I miss my parents.
33 year-old Fahime: I miss visiting my brother’s grave in Afghanistan.
39 year-old Narges: I miss the life I had a year and a half ago.
8 year-old Aktash: I miss Afghanistan.
11 year-old Mohsen: I miss my sister.
12 year-old Yunnes: I miss swimming.
18 year-old Mohhamad Reza: I miss futsal.
12 year-old Fateme: I miss my dolls and our home.
11 year-old Zohal: I miss my mother and some cities of Iran.
10 year-old Arezou: I miss television and cartoons.
17 year-old Abdoltamil: I miss life outside the barbed wire.
15 year-old Gafour: I miss my mother.
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